In this book, the Clarks address the issue of parenting teens in the 21st century˳ Like in Chap Clark’s book, Hurt 2˳0, they describe in-depth the development and characteristics of early, mid and late adolescence˳ This book is written from a Christian perspective using Scripture freely and presenting solutions from a Biblical perspective˳ Our authors direct this book to Christian parents˳
This book follows the first edition of Hurt (2004) and precedes Hurt 2˳0 (2011) which were directed at school and community workers˳ This Baker book publication was published in 2007˳
Chap Clark teaches youth, family and culture at Fuller Theological Seminary, is president of ParenTeen Seminars, Senior editor of” Youthworker Journal” and author of more than fifteen books˳ His wife, Dee Clark is a family therapist and coauthor of two other books˳ Together, they have raised three children into young adulthood˳
In Part One – Understanding Today’s Adolescent Journey, the Clarks address how the journey has changed since we were teenagers˳ Early in the 20th century, there were children and adults˳ By the middle of the century the transition between children and adults was no more than five years˳ Today teens endure a transition that lasts as long as 15 years or more˳ While many adults of our day have a hard time recognizing the difference, the Clarks make the case that as a society our youth suffer from “systemic abandonment”˳ By “systemic abandonment”, they mean that parents spend more money on things and spend more time taking children to events, but do not spend quality time with their children˳ Chap and Dee say that we “have led our children into an environment where they have never been more ill-equipped to handle the world we have handed them˳” P˳ 72
Adolescents have three tasks to perform as a part of “Individuation”- answering these questions: Who am I? What power do I really have? Where do I fit? According to social scientists, adolescence begins with the average age of puberty in a community (biology) and ends when they have achieved “individuation” (culture)˳ Pre 1900 puberty averaged at age 14+ and individuation occurred at age 16˳ In 1980 puberty averaged at age 13 and individuation occurred at age 18˳ Finally, in 2007 the average age of puberty was 12 and individuation occurred in the mid-20s˳ p˳ 63 Now, puberty may begin as early as 11 years old˳
Part Two – Parenting Through the Seasons explores different seasons of life˳ Quoting Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 the authors make the point that there are different seasons in the lives of our children˳ Our authors indicate that parents have five tasks: understanding, showing compassion, “boundarying,” charting/guiding and launching into adulthood˳ In four successive chapters they present childhood, early adolescence (middle school), mid-adolescence (high school) and late adolescence (young or emerging adults)˳ They present an illustration of the process in the form of a tight rope; childhood and adulthood are on either side (dependence and interdependence) while adolescence is a long tightrope where they are alone to work on the tasks of individuation (independence)˳ During that time these teens need family stability and safety which includes a home where the parents are in charge and, they add, a home that is fun˳
Mid-adolescents respond to abandonment by forming their own “underground family” with their friends˳ Chap and Dee spend a chapter contrasting what teens say, how parents interpret it and what the teens really mean˳ I am a bit hesitant to endorse this entire chapter, but what I do take away from this chapter is that we need to listen to our young people and continue the conversation to ascertain what they really mean˳ They may not even know what they mean˳
Finally in the last chapter, the Clarks discuss their model of successful parenting – Parenting As Partnership – The Three Levels of Partnership˳ Using 1 Corinthians 12:27, they recognize that as Christians, parents are a part of the Body of Christ˳ As an individual we “partner with Christ”; as a couple we “partner with our spouse – both of whom are personally “partnering with Christ”˳ When children arrive in the home the next level of partnership appears˳ Finally, they recommend forming a group of families who are accountable to each other and have a loving interest in all the members of the group˳ This is how they see parenting children “taking a village˳” When Chap referenced this in Hurt 2˳0, I was a bit hesitant because Hurt and Hurt 2˳0 were directed at the community and schools˳ However, in this book, addressing the parents who have the option of including or excluding other families in their level of partnership, I am more comfortable with this idea as it is based on Scriptural principles˳ He called these other individuals / families “soulmates” and emphasizes that they are “soulmates” of both spouses, not just one of them˳ They conclude with the following:
1˳ “Each parent must seek to know, love, and follow Jesus Christ˳
2˳ Both parents must be a cohesive and impenetrable unit of strength and love˳
3˳ The family must be surrounded by intimate friends in community, or soul mates and
4˳ Single parent families need soul mates˳” P˳ 192-193
My concerns regarding how Dr˳ Clark viewed family and church (review of Hurt 2˳0) have been largely relieved˳ In addition to addressing Christian parents in Disconnected, he has taken this model to the community and school leaders in the form of the 5:1 project – five adults in a positive relationship with each teen( http://www˳parenteen˳org )˳ Certainly in a Christian context, we have more reason to believe that God will be pleased to bless our efforts, and yet salvation is of the Lord˳ Also, the Clarks have spent some time with the cause and have put forth some practical ways that can help parents, especially Christian parents, to establish a home that nurtures our young˳
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