Two three–letter words: “but” and “and˳” In grammatical terms, they are called conjunctions˳ They bridge two clauses of a single sentence together˳ In communication (and negotiation), these words are subtle manipulators of exclusion or inclusion˳ Generally speaking, “but” excludes, denies, discounts or in some way rejects the previous clause˳ For example, the statement “she is a very productive employee but she can be a bit demanding” is subtly different than “she is a very productive employee and she can be a bit demanding˳” In the first example, the “but” tends to convey a negation of the first clause of the sentence in favor of the second clause of the sentence˳ In the next example, the “and” tends to convey an inclusion of the first clause along with the second clause˳
Take another example: “Yes I understand you need to meet with me before tomorrow’s meeting but my schedule is packed full” vs˳ “I Yes I understand you need to meet with me before tomorrow’s meeting and my schedule is packed full˳” In this example, by using “and” instead of “but” the speaker not only avoids negating the initial clause but also conveys to the listener that his/her concerns about needing to meet are acknowledged˳
Using “and” is also a much softer way to say no˳ For example, the typical “yes, but” can easily be replaced with “yes, and˳” For example, the request “We need to purchase new computers” can be responded to with “yes I know, but we can’t until next year” or “yes I know, and we can’t until next year˳” The “and” does not negate the “yes” whereas the “but” does tend to convey a sense of canceling out that which preceded the “but˳”
The use of “but” is extraordinarily common˳ In fact, few people actually recognize the subtle influence of using but˳ If you were to consciously attempt to change “but” to “and” in your speaking, you will notice how odd it feels˳ But, it is a worthwhile exercise if for no other reason than to become more comfortable with the ability to switch from one to the other˳ However, there can be a more important reason: using “and” instead of “but” can positively influence dialogue˳ When using “and” instead of “but” there is a sense of inclusion and acceptance even if the conclusion is a denial or refusal˳
Try it out over the next several days˳ Listen to others’ sentences and when you hear “but” change it in your own mind to “and˳” Then, start listening to your own sentences˳ When you hear yourself about to say “but” change it to “and” but remember one thing…oops…and remember one thing…
Source by https://ezinearticles˳com/?But-vs-And&id=441222
