There is so much in the media lately about school bullying – both face to face bullying and cyber bullying˳
In fact the research shows that one in four Australian children are bullied at school and most Australian schools have introduced ‘zero tolerance of bullying policies’ as the research also shows:
1˳ Children who are bullied are three times more likely to suffer depression;
2˳ Children who are bullied are up to nine times more likely to have suicidal thoughts;
3˳ Girls who are bullied in their early primary school years are more likely to remain victims as they get older and suffer abuse and violence;
4˳ Children who are bullies have a one in four chance of having a criminal record by the age of 30˳
Although these potential consequences are alarming I believe that they are caused by the fact that we now teach bullied children to develop a ‘poor me’ attitude and see themselves as victims, rather than to look at why they are being bullied and to sometimes accept some responsibility for their situation˳
Unlike most counsellors I have many reservations about the benefits of zero bullying policies˳ Without a doubt these policies make life a little more comfortable for those in the ‘outer circle’ at school because they cannot be openly targeted˳ The reality is, however, that they will still be excluded from the ‘in’ group and stared at and whispered about and they will still not be happy at school˳ It will just be harder for them to verbalise what is wrong and no-one can be punished for what they are suffering˳
To some extent I believe that attempts to create a perfect school environment set children up with false expectations for real life at university, at work and even at home, where things are far from perfect and adults have to solve their own problems˳ Schools are a micro-organism of the real world and in life they’re are weak and strong people and the strong tend to survive better than the weak˳ If children do not learn to deal with this reality they will not cope in later life and will be a victim forever˳
Cyber Bullying
There is much talk about the fact that children cannot get away from their bullies because of technology such as mobile phones and Facebook˳ This is true, if they read their text messages and Facebook pages˳
There is a simple solution here though and that is for parents to make their children deposit their mobile phones into a box when they arrive home (if they even need a phone at all) and to terminate their Facebook accounts˳ The opportunity for cyber-bullying is then much reduced˳
Solutions
If the parent does not have the strength to introduce such rules cyber bullying should be dealt with the same as face to face bullying and that is to teach the child to stop seeing themselves as a victim and to understand and assume responsibility for their situation˳
Children are bullied for many reasons including:
1˳ They may look different;
2˳ They may sound different;
3˳ They may be overweight;
4˳ Other children may be jealous of them;
5˳ They may not be good at sport or some other activity;
6˳ Their family may not be socially acceptable˳
The list is endless˳
Sometimes the bullied child can do nothing to change the issue causing the bullying˳ For example a child with an English accent cannot develop an Australian accent overnight, a coloured child cannot become white, a child from a housing commission family cannot change the family fortunes, a beautiful child cannot make herself unattractive etc˳ What can occur, however, is for the child to speak with a counsellor who helps him or her understand why the bullying is occurring˳ They can work together on witty come-backs and on how to meet children who will not care about the matter at hand so that the child has some friends˳ This takes away the victim mentality and gives the child back some power˳
Sometimes the bullied child can do something about the issue causing the bullying˳ For example an overweight child does have the power to start exercising and lose weight, an unco-ordinated child can take lessons to become more co-ordinated, IF they want to˳ The key is what do they want to do? As soon as a child realises that they have choices they get their power back and are no-longer a victim˳ If the child decides that he or she cannot be bothered putting in the effort to lose weight they have made a choice˳ They had the power to make a different choice but decided which choice suited them most˳ They may not like the bullying from other children but they know that they can end it by making a different choice˳ This is comforting˳
This type of knowledge teaches strategies for life as the child knows:
1˳ How to work out what is causing a particular situation and to stop blaming themselves;
2˳ How to work out possible solutions;
3˳ How to measure the pros and cons of each solution; and
4˳ How to appreciate that every choice they make will have a consequence˳
I believe that we should stop protecting children from being bullied˳ Bullying is a fact of life much like the doctrine of ‘survival of the fittest’ in the jungle˳
We should be aware of what is happening to our children and give them strategies for dealing with each situation˳ We should teach them how to make choices and understand consequences˳ Most importantly we should teach them how to accept responsibility when this is warranted and to refuse to view themselves as a victim˳
Source by https://ezinearticles˳com/?Cyber-Bullying-and-Bullying-At-School—Is-It-Really-Wrong?&id=6569796
