I’d like to think that with nearly 5 million divorces in the UK since the 1980s (about 150,000 per year) we’d be starting to hear stories of what worked and what didn’t when a couple went through their separation˳ I’d like to see a culture of sharing wisdom with the next generation; knowledge filtering out to men, women, families and lawyers about how best to navigate the divorce journey˳ I’d like to read in magazines and blogs, accounts of couples who put their children and wellbeing-for-all at the centre of their decision to shift from nuclear to extended family and that actually they made the subsequent life changes with ease and with a feeling of control and empowerment˳
As yet, I’m really not seeing that information making its way in the mainstream media, however, I am meeting more and more couples who want a respectfully separation and a working co-parenting relationship going forward˳
They’re in agreement that living together is not bringing out the best in themselves or their children
They don’t want to invest £5000 – £25,000 in joint solicitor and lawyer fees when a divorce can be simply mediated and cost-effectively processed (and with the saved fees they can each holiday for a week in the sun!)
Here are the Top 3 suggestions on how to go about a peaceful divorce process:
1˳ Reject the myth of ‘divorce as a battle’
Choosing to separate because a marriage is no longer the best working model for a partnership or for parenting can be very liberating˳ The tradition model is one of conflict and battle and even when a couple can see the sense in divorce, often by the time they’ve each hired a lawyer to ‘protect their best interests’, the subtle suggestions of ‘you could get more; you’ve been mistreated; your children might be taken away’ will drive a them into panic, blame and more legal-fee spending˳
A more peaceful and up-to-date way of divorcing is to plan for a series of conversations (difficult at first perhaps – but they get easier) based around a concept of ‘more for all and less to none’˳ A couple and their children (age appropriately) can all be involved in these˳ Over a number of weeks and months a respectful and clear plan and time frame begins to evolve˳ Once that’s defined for everyone and all are in agreement, only then does the formal paperwork and reasons get passed to a family lawyer to be filed through the courts˳
2˳ Manage your expectations: commit 6 months to the process
The right mindset from the beginning is the trick to divorcing peacefully and in a reasonable time scale˳ There can be many mediated group and 1-2-1 conversations to be had during this time; each helping to clarify the wisest arrangements for both parties in relation to children, living arrangements, finances, work, re-training (if one parent requires extra support to up-skill to work for more income in the future), separation of possessions, holidays, pensions and future flexibility to re-negotiate the terms˳
Will the transition be painful? – it’s different for everyone, but probably˳ Keep in mind that it will ease in time (especially if couples priorities compassion) and then remaining in a dissatisfying marriage for another 1-5 years before you get to this point creates extended hurt anyway˳
3˳ Trust that conscious co-parenting is in your children’s best interest
Children sense tension in a household even if they can’t put it into words˳ They can end up being emotionally better off in the long term once their parents agree to step up, communicate and make some changes˳ It might be that, through some mediated conversations, some new skills and knowledge are learned and a marriage takes on a new lease of life and everyone is happier (it happens!); and it could also be that separating whilst keeping the children’s best interests at the centre of the changes brings similar happiness over time too˳
For sure this is not a simple subject and relationships are different for everyone˳ Life is long and it’s a good principle to re-confirm that you have many choices of how the future can be˳
Source by http://ezinearticles˳com/?Divorce—Done-With-Dignity-and-Respect&id=9355392
