My Wife, the “Head of the Household”
Many people say, “Behind every successful man, there is a woman.” With your current wife, lecturer Minh Nguyet, could you share about her companionship?
– Being the child of an artist is hard enough; being the wife of an artist is many times harder. I might not make my children endure, but my wife has to endure me – during times of frustration, exhaustion, and even when I can’t share things externally, I only know how to “vent” at home.
My wife loves art and always shares everything in life with me. She understands me so well; if something is bothering me, she knows right away.
I’m not used to hiding my emotions, and if I keep them inside until they explode, it’ll become a “big fire.” So, I choose to speak directly. If something is bothering me, I share it immediately so my wife and I can resolve it together.
I feel lucky and confident to have such a strong support system – a wife who not only loves but is also devoted to her husband, children, and family.
At home, who is the “head of the household”?
– Of course, it’s my wife. I’m always working, so I can’t manage household affairs. Time spent with loved ones always feels insufficient.
All big and small matters in the family are arranged by my wife. Sometimes I jokingly say that I’m just “the loved one” in my own house.
She feels very secure because, no matter how much I earn from work or performances, I give her all my ATM cards (laughs). I’m the type, as Xuan Hinh often jokes, “salary paid in full, sleeps at home.” Generally, I’m very gentle, so my wife has nothing to worry about.
What brought you and your wife together?
– Our connection came very gently, without planning or calculation. Initially, it was just admiration, then gradually it turned into love.
I believe in destiny. Besides love, marriage also requires a divine fate. Some people don’t think so, but for me, if there’s no destiny, no matter how hard you try, it’s difficult to make it last.
We’ve been married for 8 years now, and including our dating period, it’s been over 10 years.
Married to a beautiful wife a full zodiac cycle younger than you, are you more doting, or does your wife dote on you more?
– I’m far from doting (laughs). I’m not a skillful person or someone who pays attention to details, while my wife is very subtle, tolerant, and always cares about every detail.
I was born and raised in humble circumstances, so I don’t prioritize appearance. But my wife believes: “As a public artist, you must be presentable and tidy when you go out. She always wants her husband to appear beautiful in everyone’s eyes.”
My bags and clothes are all bought by my wife, and she constantly makes me change. Before, I could wear one outfit for 1-2 days, but now I can’t. I used to only like one unique perfume scent, but seeing my wife have many kinds, I sometimes… secretly spray them (laughs).
Overall, I feel lucky. At work, Xuan Bac corrects me; at home, my wife takes care of me. My daily clothes are all chosen by my wife; for every long trip, she even prepares each outfit, matching colors for shirts and pants.
Perhaps because we understand each other and share the same taste, I find everything my wife buys suitable and I really like it.
I speak loudly and boldly, while my wife is gentle and calm, so she has to tolerate me a lot. But honestly, those “tolerant” people often “silently kill elephants” (laughs).
Do you often go on dates or spend private time with your wife to rekindle your romance?
– That’s my wife’s disadvantage. From the day we started dating until now, most of our trips have been arranged by her. I rarely pick a place she likes.
Wherever I go, I want to invite friends to have fun, while my wife prefers quiet places with few acquaintances. Now I humor my wife, letting her choose the destination, as long as she’s comfortable.
“I believe in destiny. Besides love, marriage also needs divine fate.”
People’s Artist Tu Long
Cherishing Rare Moments with Children
Every marriage inevitably experiences “ups and downs.” In those moments, who is the first to make amends?
– Usually, I have to make amends first. I’m a man, so I should be a little yielding and doting towards my wife.
With an artist father like People’s Artist Tu Long, who carries many responsibilities, his children must also face many disadvantages?
– It’s true that being an artist’s child involves many sacrifices. My work is very specific; I leave home in the morning before my youngest child wakes up and return late at night, usually around 11-12 PM, when all my children are asleep.
That’s the profession and also the fate – I went through it before – and perhaps my children will also have to understand and accept it later. I can only try to compensate my children with what I have.
When I was little, I also had a childhood away from my parents due to their profession, so now I deeply appreciate the value of moments spent with my children. Despite my busy schedule, I always try to make time to come home early or take my children with me when possible.
How do you compensate your children?
– Every morning, I still love taking my eldest child to school. Others might just drop them off at the gate, but I always take my child right to the classroom door. That moment makes me happy, perhaps because I didn’t have that when I was young.
Wherever I go, around 10:30 PM, the children will excitedly call out: “Dad, where are you, come home and sleep with us!” Everyone says my wife taught them, but it’s not true. Xuan Bac often gets jealous; in those moments, sitting next to me, he gets all worked up, saying he leaves in the morning and no one calls him all night (laughs).
I often jokingly say that energy can be created, but time can never be turned back. I am now 52 years old, with about 7 more years until retirement.
It’s funny to think that back then, my children would still be in school, still needing parents to pick them up. When I stand at the school gate, perhaps the parents next to me will ask: “Where are the child’s parents that grandpa is picking them up today?” (laughs).
Therefore, I truly cherish the rare moments I get to spend with my children. I love cooking their favorite dishes myself. The kids absolutely adore my cooking, saying it suits their taste more than their mother’s. If I were to rate myself in this aspect, I’d dare to give myself 9.5 points (laughs).
We have a housekeeper, but she never has to cook. Her cooking doesn’t suit our taste, and the dishes I assign her often get ruined, so I just cook myself.
People’s Artist Tu Long: “For me – a man living in a traditional way – family cohesion and sharing are extremely important.”
In your opinion, what helps you maintain a strong marriage after a previous divorce?
– I think, besides love, there’s also an element called destiny. Now, saying I have some “secret” sounds a bit cliché. I believe that to stay together long-term, you must have true love, and more importantly, know how to accept each other.
Married life is just like my relationship with Xuan Bac; to stay together, you have to “tolerate” each other. But that “tolerance” must be voluntary – meaning you accept both the good and not-so-good points of the other person – and move forward by harmonizing together.
For me – a man living in a traditional way – family cohesion and sharing are extremely important. If you don’t truly trust and open up to each other, cracks can easily appear.
Thank you, People’s Artist Tu Long, for your sharing!
Photos: Nguyen Ha Nam
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