Once in awhile, I will have a person walk into my office, frustrated, angered, and hurt by people they are having difficulties with in their life and they ask me “Toni, how do I change them?” “How do I get them to see my point of view?” “How do get them to stop doing things I do not like and to start doing things I want them to?”
That is quite a tall order, but there is a solution˳
Are there people in your life you are dying to change? And you think, “If they we weren’t too hard to get along with, my life would be easier!”, “If they would give me more attention, I’d feel more special!”, “If they weren’t so irritating and frustrating, I’d be able to get my job done!”
It just seems that if everyone else got their lives together and managed their issues, life would get better for us! That could be true, and you may be right about that – but what are the chances of everyone around you changing just to make your life easier?
Do you want to know how to change people? Here’s how to do it: Change yourself˳ To change others, it starts with YOU˳
No matter how much you want people to better themselves, you cannot change another person to fit the idea of who you want them to be˳ I am sure you’ve tried in the past and what happened? I bet you experienced a good dose of some of the most frustrating and upsetting moments of your life!
Why?
Because the more you try to change others, the more they will feel controlled – and you will be met with a lot of resistance˳ And the more you try to control others, the more you will be controlled by your very desire to change them˳
There is a universal right we all have, it’s a gift given to us at birth – and that’s our free will˳ Free will means free thought˳ Each and everyone has this power within and no one can take it away˳ This doesn’t mean that we always use this power effectively, but nevertheless we all have it˳ Even myself as a psychologist, I cannot help someone more than they are willing to help themselves – it’s not in my power to do so˳ I cannot open a person’s mind and put in there what I want˳ All I can do is influence a person who is willing to accept my help˳
The same goes for you˳ So here are two things you can do to change others:
Firstly, stop trying and just share your feelings˳ You can’t change people, but you can have some influence that can modify their perceptions˳ Let the person know what is bothering you and what you need from them without the intent of changing who they really are˳ Just because you tell a person what you want, does not mean they are obliged to give it because remember, they have free will not to˳
Secondly, turn your attention to your greater power of influence – your mind˳ Why is this person bothering you in the first place? And why should it? Let me ask you: What do you need to change in yourself to stop needing a change in another in order for you to be happy? If you figure this out, you will be free from depending on others to feel good about yourself˳
From this standpoint, one of two things will happen: either you will accept others as they are, or you will be at a better place to let them go˳
Be true to yourself, focus on your personal changes and let the others be, and just focus on your life choices˳
Source by https://ezinearticles˳com/?How-To-Change-Other-People&id=9364107
